I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
