we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
