The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
