his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
