I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
