dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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