dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
