it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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