It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
