You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
there is glitter all over my balls
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
