i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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