Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
