I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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