i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
