It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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