dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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