just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
