omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
