All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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