she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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