Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
