He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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