3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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