i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
