Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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