I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
