I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
