i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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