so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize