my being single is dangerous.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
