Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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