we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
