I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
