Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
