Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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