One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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