I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
