oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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