Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
