I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
