I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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