The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize