she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
