I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
