relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize