I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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