I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
