hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
