Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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