Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
