I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
