Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize