So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
