Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
