My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
