hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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