if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
