That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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