Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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