I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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