Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
