in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
