Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize