Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
