Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
