if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
