my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
